Remember that time you took the Gatwick Express into town, only there weren’t any seats left, so you had to sit on the roof? Or the time you were delayed for two hours because a farmer was herding his cows across the line at East Croydon, and all the local traders popped up to sell you trinkets?
No, of course you don’t, because these things don’t happen on the Gatwick Express. (We’re not entirely sure they happen anywhere, in fact: we’ve shamelessly nicked them from various Michael Palin travelogues dating from the early 1990s.)
That, though, hasn’t stopped Sir Roy McNulty from slating the Victoria-Gatwick rail link as “veering towards Third World Conditions”